Train types

I have had the misfortune and the fortune of travelling by the Mumbai local trains on a daily basis for the past five years (yes, on some Sundays too). Through my journeys, I have observed various kinds of train personalities. People usually fall into one or more of these categories:

1. The ones who push you violently no matter what: This category of people believes in trampling you whether or not the compartment is crowded. The arrival of the train arouses the worst in them. They'll peel your skin off if that's what it takes for them to get in FIRST and FAST. 
2. The ones who settle down in the train: They think of it as their first home. They play cards and music and also chop vegetables (not kidding!)
3. The ones who fight for no reason: Even if a strand of your hair happens to brush across their face accidentally, they make it a point to abuse at you. The Marathi subset of this lot is particularly very fierce.
4. The ones who think sitting anywhere at all is awesome: Yes, this crowd sits ON the train and near the doors of the train. Not to mention that a handful of them do get electrocuted every year and also kicked about in the wrong places.
5. The ones who bug you for your destination station to reserve their seat: The long distance commuters. They pester you till you come out with your destination  and then implore you to give them the seat. Damned if you do, damned if you don't!
6. The train friends: The ones you see day in and out if you happen to travel by the same time every single day.
7. The lascivious lechers: Those group of pathetic losers who think its their birthright to make snide comments at every human species with a pair of boobs.
8. The ones who cooperate: These form a minority of the lot. They offer tiny gestures of kindness. They put your bag up in the rack, switch on the fan for you, coolly step aside at your station to make way and even pass on a smile or two. This lot makes our daily train travel a little bearable. 

The Pursuit of Happyness

I just got a new phone. All my gizmo freak friends told me I should try out a smart phone.  It hadn’t been two days since I bought it yet and the next Extra Smart mobile phone-cum-Camera-cum-Computer-cum-mixer-cum-grinder-cum-whatever you could think of, hits the stores.

As a matter of fact, I decided to buy myself the latest hip hugging jeans also. Turns out, bell bottoms had come back to fashion and those really awesome pair of jeans I’d just bought were to remain untouched. I lost weight then, so hip hugging jeans were a little bit of a joke.

I joined the college I always wanted to be a part of. Suddenly I realized the professors couldn’t teach for nuts and the crowd wasn’t all that cool to hang out with.

I also happened to go to this movie I wanted to see in a long time. Why was the end so disappointing then?

I wasted dinner at home because I wanted to have a pizza and all that my mom had to offer was Palak ki sabzi.

Just about then, my phone conked off. That made me realize how handy it was. I put on the loose pair of jeans with an awesome belt and went to the best college in the world. My mom wasn’t well herself. So I cooked her favourite meal and observed how happily she had it.               

I had actually forgotten to savour the little stuff in life. The next time I hear about a super intelligent new phone, I’m going to show off my ancient wonder. I’m going to wear what suits me best irrespective of the latest trends. I’m going to eat whatever is made for me because, you never know, it may be the healthiest. But the movie just sucked. Period.

We @ now

The world has changed. Someday perhaps, the gen-next-to-ours is going to tell us that. I’ll tell you how we are different from the gen-before-ours.

We do not believe in organized religion, but are pro-humanity. We do not believe in the age old adage of “Early to bed, Early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise.” We are very okay with sleeping late, getting up late and still being fit, rich and learned. Late is a subjective term, right?

We don’t mind paying a premium for all that is good. We can spend a fortune on the movies and yet earn all that money easy. We want to spend early, and save early. Even the value conscious Indian mentality in us is facing a change.

We are consumerist and need our gadgets to be top notch. We may be smarter than the gen-before-ours but not as sincere as them.

We believe that being on Facebook and listening to blaring music just helps us study better. We kids don’t believe that staying in touch with their aunt’s-father’s-brother’s-wife’s-grandson is necessary. We are the young guns who think India has a great future, despite knowing all its flaws.

We are value-driven and environmentally responsible. A lot of the credit goes to our parents for educating us that way. We are independent and like being treated so. We may not know how to write our mother tongue, but know about all the intricacies of the English language.

It is ironical, however, that I don’t look forward to this debate with the gen-next-to-ours. I trust them to be more equipped than us somehow.

Infant Times

I’m hungry, and poopy. I don’t care about salivating on my bib. I see Ma through the door, and crave for her attention. I wish she’d know, she’d understand, the source of all my troubles, my ravenous little stomach. I cry my lungs out till she comes and picks me up in her loving arms. I need the attention. I really do. I yearn to play peek-a-boo. It makes me laugh. She’s probably the only grown one who knows what I want. She peeks and boos. I giggle. It’s the best game ever.

Soon, Neighbour Aunt walks in. I hate her you know. She pulls my cheeks as though they were a dough of flour. She declares, “I could cuddle him to death.” OMG, I need to get away from that grown one. She is large, with huge scary eyes. I tug at her sari and spit, then wriggle out. She thinks I’m being a naughty baby. Get a life, woman. I’m not naughty, just nauseated by your presence.

I spend the rest of the day, biting unidentified objects, and picking up things from the floor. I don’t like the sound of rattles. I want to explore, be on my own. I want to get my finger through the three-holed gap in the wall. For some odd reason, all the grown ones scream in unison when I’m about to. Damn them, maybe next time.

Pa took me to the window. It’s really big outside. Many grown ones. They don’t crawl. Many colourful boxes grown ones sit in, they’re all on circles. I think the circles are red in colour. Or that’s what Ma was saying.

Tia has come home. She is my size. And cute. I like her. Neighbour Aunt doesn’t spare her cheeks too. One day when I get larger, I will have my revenge. I give Tia my toys. She gives me her rosy smile. Aww. I think the colour five really suits her.

I’m tired. Ma puts me in my favourite place at home. It goes up and down. I feel ticklish. I want to be here all day. She sings me a song, something like Rockamybabyonthetreetop. It makes me sleepy. I’m off. To another world. To where I know more than grown ones do. Where they speak squealish and live simple. To where milk is the only food and laughing is the only occupation. Hmmm….

Murphy's Frikking Law

Have you found yourself bogged down by every traffic signal?
Do you feel the queue adjacent to yours moves faster, almost always?
Do you wonder why the train you want to catch when you're on time is late and when you're late, just sticks to schedule?
Have you found the internet to disconnect at the time the most interesting conversation possible is happening?
What about the times you've really loved food at a restaurant and the one time you recommended it to someone else, the food sucked?
Do you agree that it rains the most when you're least prepared with rain gear?
Do you find holidays passing by in a jiffy while exams stretching on for eternity?
How many times have you reached early and your boss hasn't taken notice, while the one time you've reached late, you've gotten an absent mark/half day?
Have you given in to a movie's general public review which is awesome, and expected it to be great, but ended up disappointed?
Do you find the washroom always occupied when the urgency to pee is the greatest?
Have you spent days when you are jobless without attending a single call, and received a million calls when you're busy?
So much for Murphy's frikkin law..